STOP TRYING TO CHANGE! OPTIMIZE
In This Week’s Article: How to leverage aspects of your character
There is a ton of marketing and information out there about “Transformation” and honestly, the first thing that usually comes to mind for people (and myself) is the idea of transforming into something else! (man, I had this wrong for a long time!)
Our whole lives we are actually going through small changes…. let me share mine.
Growing up I had an older sister who was VERY SMART… like I am talking valedictorian of her class, never got less than an A on anything… right through her 4 year degree!
– Since I was younger, there was NO WAY I was going to beat her at being smart, so I became outgoing and didn’t take anything seriously… I adapted…. I gave up on trying to be smart at anything!
My sister played softball and was a pitcher, and damn was she good at it… so, I became the catcher so I could be good at something different! … I adapted… I decided I was a great supporting role, but not the leader.
I was a pretty annoying kid that broke things a lot and always had to be causing some kind of chaos. This annoyed this shit out of my parents!! So I got in trouble… a lot! So I became distant from them and decided everything they ever told me was wrong! They had to be wrong, so that I was right… It helped me be confident in who I was… another creative adaptation tactic the human brain deploys… (ever ignored something you didn’t want to hear about yourself?) … it’s ok, you don’t have to answer! … Turns out, my parents were right about a lot of things. (we don’t have to get into it!)
All of these adaptations molded who I became and what traits about myself I was willing to acknowledge and show to the world… they are the things about me that I was rewarded for! I was rewarded with either attention, friendships, or significance.
The thing is with all of these adaptations that I was rewarded for there were lots of traits and characteristics about my personality that I completely forgot about, made wrong or completely ignored not only because they weren’t useful, but also because I got negative feedback because of them! These traits lost me friends, were the source of teasing and discipline. I was told not to do these things over and over and got the message that people who did these kinds of things were “BAD.”
K I can give an example…. I decided that I HATED reading because it was really challenging for me to read out loud in class… I was a slow reader and it made me feel embarrassed and stupid, The only books I ever read were the ones absolutely necessary for school. Once I graduated I never read a book again until I was 30 years old!
BUT, in the last 3 years since i have read over 30 books! … after I underwent my “Transformation” that is…
See, TRANSFORMATION is changing back into who you originally were, changing into who you ARE! Transformation isn’t about becoming someone else, it is about becoming yourself!
See I never hated reading, I hated feeling stupid, and that is what reading made me feel. The TRUTH is I LOVE LEARNING, and now reading helps me achieve that!
… reading can still make me feel stupid… like when my wife and I are reading an article together and she is scrolling down so she can keep reading it and I am like, shit… shit …. shit! can you go back up I need to re-read those first couple of lines! The difference is, now I know that I am not stupid… I’m just a slow reader and I don’t have to protect myself by avoiding reading! … plus I am starting to get better at it!! … (I think!)
Growing up is about shedding off all of our adaptations and becoming who we are genuinely meant to be. Over the course of your life you have allowed your insecurities to shape you… we all have! (those of you with children… don’t go there, this isn’t something that you can prevent from happening to your child!!) It doesn’t matter how many times people tell you to “Be yourself” because kids, and a ton of adults DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE! it is a journey to figure it out! Interestingly enough, who you are today isn’t who you will always be, and who you were yesterday doesn’t have to be who you are today!
If you really want to go after your dreams… your callings. The first step is understanding that those dreams, thoughts and ambitions are in your heart for a reason. They are things that your “being” wants you to experience. Those dreams wouldn’t be calling out to you if you couldn’t achieve them. Everything you need is already inside of you… you just might have to go back to grade 3 to figure out where the heck it went!
Seek and you shall find! … but you have to seek in the right places!
Stop looking out here and start looking within!